My First Post

Recently, someone asked me, "If you could do anything with your life, what would it be?"  Without hesitation, I responded, "Write."  I have always wanted to be an author.  I began writing my first chapter book when I was in first grade.  The Lonely Dog.  I wrote it in red pen and it remains in the top drawer of my nightstand at my parents house.  Unfinished.

I, by no means, think that I have a talent for writing.  And when it comes to blogging, I have no idea what I'm doing.  But apparently, neither do my ovaries.  So, since I figure we're in this together, I can give blogging a try...

My journey of trying to conceive (TTC, I know... I'm new to the lingo!) has only been a year.  I don't know why I said "only", because it feels like an eternity, but I know that there are many other people who have been TTC for years and in comparison, a year is nothing. 

When I went off birth control last June, I by no means expected to get pregnant right away.  In fact, the only reason I went off birth control was because I was changing jobs and it was one less detail to stress about.  Just to be clear, my husband and I absolutely want children--lots of them.  He's still on the fence about how many, but before this process, I wanted 6 children.  Now I will be happy with 1. 

In October, I went in for my annual appointment and talked to my gynecologist about getting pregnant.  At that point, my cycles had already started getting farther apart (in the low 30s), but she said it was nothing to be concerned about about explained how to figure out when I was ovulating without buying one of the kits.  In January 2013, my cycles started getting even farther apart (in the 40s), so in February, I decided to buy an ovulation prediction kit, which was positive every day for 40 days.  Or maybe longer, but after 40 days, I stopped doing them and called my doctor.  She then referred me to a specialist.

My first appointment with the specialist was on March 25th.  After talking in her office, she ran blood work and did my first internal ultrasound, where she noticed my "poly cystic ovaries".  As the words came out of her mouth, I remembered that I was supposed to mention that my sister was diagnosed with PCOS when TTC.  At least now we had an explanation.  Not that I wanted something to be wrong, but I am a huge believer in medication and strongly felt that once I had this diagnosis, I would take this medicine and everything would just work out. 

No. Such. Luck.

After getting my initial blood work back, I was taking prenatal vitamins and a supplement called Pregnitude twice a day, which is a "reproductive support dietary supplement for women that helps support ovulatory function, menstrual cyclicity and quality of eggs.* (* These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease)."  My thyroid levels were within the normal range, but for PCOS patients they find fewer miscarriages in patients with TSH levels under 2.5.  My TSH level was 2.53 so my RE decided to hold off on prescribing Synthroid, and repeat labs in 4 weeks.

When they repeated my labs, my TSH levels increased to 4.25 and I started taking 50 mcg of Levothyroxine (Synthroid).  At this point, I had still not gotten my period (CD 37) so I started taking 400 mg of Progesterone for 10 days.  My RE made it sound like I would get my period at the end of the 10 days or a few days after, but I didn't get my period for 9 days after finishing the Progesterone (CD 56).  I have never been so psyched to have the worst cramps!  With every agonizingly painful moment I kept thinking, "56 days... 56 days..."  I went in for an internal ultrasound on CD 2 and since there were no cysts and I was 100% not pregnant (just one stalled egg... booooo), I started taking 50 mg of Clomid on CD 3-7.  On CD 10-14 I took the at home ovulation prediction kit tests and was so happy to see a negative (after the 40 extremely false positives, I felt that this was the first good sign I'd had!).... at first.  On CD 14, I still had not had the LH surge and went in for another internal ultrasound.  It was a Sunday, and unfortunately, my doctor was not the doctor on call.  The not-so-friendly doctor I saw marked THREE huge follicles.

They shot me up with Ovidrel (which I continue to call by name, even though every time I do, my sister says, "people just call it a trigger shot") and sent me home with wishes of good luck.  I went in 2 days later (CD 16, if you're keeping track) for another internal ultrasound, which showed that all of the THREE follicles were no longer there.  Meaning that I had actually ovulated.  After waiting out a 56 day cycle, being told I ovulated felt like I had won the lottery.  And now we had three chances of having a baby.  If only it were that easy....

They also repeated my blood work to check my TSH levels.  Which, of course, increased to 5.16, so I increased my dose of  Levothyroxine (Synthroid) to 100 mcg.  On CD 21, I went in for a Mid Luteal Progesterone blood test.  Fortunately, my Progesterone levels were high--56.2 (they like them to be above 10).  Unfortunately, here I am, one week later, after receiving a phone call from the nurse saying that this morning's Beta HCG Pregnancy Test was negative.  I could hear it in her voice from the second she said my name and could barely make it down the hall to tell my husband before I started crying.

So I did what I always do--planted myself in front of my computer and started researching Clomid success rates and reading about success stories and came across some blogs from people who are in similar situations, while my husband went and worked in the yard.  After wanting to post about 87 responses to other people's posts, comments, and questions, I decided I needed a space of my own.  My husband, as much as I love him, and as much as he wants to have a baby, doesn't get it.  My family doesn't get it.  My friends don't get it.  They listen and they are supportive, but it's really hard when they haven't been there.  Or if they have, because I do have one friend that I talked to who also has PCOS and had difficulty getting pregnant, they now have a baby.

If you're still reading this, I applaud you.  I can't believe how much I had to write.  And honestly, how much better it feels now that I've written this.  I hope that I didn't scare you away, and I promise I won't always write this much!!