Back-to-back IUI #1 was easier than I expected. As the nurse was
finishing on day 2, she announced that since Mr. Desperate's sperm count
was still so high that we could have sex that night. I don't know
about anyone else, but the last thing I was thinking about at that
moment was sex. I could tell by the look on Mr. Desperate's face that
his thoughts weren't so far off from mine. However, late last night, he clearly changed his mind.
Nothing like having the Heat win in the last seconds of overtime to help his testosterone kick in! I'll spare you the details, but afterwards
he announced that that was the best it's been since we started trying. I
immediately wanted to cry, because I was so hurt, and then I realized
that for the past year he hasn't been able to get past the pressure. I felt awful. Clearly, the majority of our issues have been because of my body. I've been the one that's been confused, frustrated, poked, and prodded. Even though his levels require him to take some vitamins, I didn't think it was an issue for him. Am I that oblivious? I wanted to cry even more.
Am I crazy for feeling so guilty?
Don't feel guilty! I am in the same boat, it's because of me that we are having issues. God, I hate saying that...we are WAY beyond "having issues". What we have is a big fucking problem! Anyway, think about the amount of time each day you spend trying to make your body cooperate, the vitamins, prenatals, nutrition, just the right amount of exercise, the blood draws, the drugs, the injections, the tracking of your cycle and ovulation and period...IT'S FUCKING EXHAUSTING! And all he has to think about is the sex??? This is so unfair in so many ways. Don't add guilt about your sex life on top of it. If my husband had to go through half of what I have gone through he would be the biggest martyr. Ok, rant over! I am glad your IUI went well. I am only two days ahead of you I think so we are in the 2WW together chica!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. There is no reason to feel guilty. I am living with Male Factor Infertility and really, my hubby doesn't have to do anything compared to what I have to. It's tough! Good luck for your cycle.
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