Friday, November 29, 2013


It's good to be home! Every year for Thanksgiving my husband and I spend time with my family. And I mean my WHOLE fmaily. My grandmother's family has gotten together for what is now 40 years. I think there were almost 70 people at dinner last night and more family members come today. It is literally a 4 day feast.  And don't worry, we have Thanksgiving dinner at a hotel because who in their right mind would cook for 70 people!!!

So we flew in yesterday afternoon and my grandmother was sleeping (of course).  I saw my grandfather for about 5 minutes before he headed back to their room but I think he referenced my stomach.  Which, at 21 weeks on Thanksgiving day, has finally started to make an appearance.  Mostly after I eat but I definitely think there's a little visibility pre-food.  I really just think I look kinda fat.  Which is ironic because for the past month or so people have been telling me how great I look.  I have pretty much been overweight my whole life (my family would roll their eyes at this but I seriously can look at food and gain 5 pounds.  I have to work so hard to lose and keep off weight that it becomes an obsession.  And even when I do lose weight I never look as small as I think I'm going to so I get disappointed.... Thus ending the obsession.) and just know that I am going to be one of those pregnant that is huge all over.  No cute bump by itself.  No one saying, "you can't even tell you're pregnant from behind.". I guess I should enjoy the compliments while I can!  I am not trying not to gain weight by the way, in case that's what it sounds like.  I started gaining weight this summer with all the meds and the fact that I was so unhappy.  I'm not sure what I weighed immediately before I got pregnant but I've definitely gained at least 10 which I just read is the low end on the average for this point.

Anyway my grandmother still hasn't said anything.  Her memory isn't great and I know it shouldn't bother me because it's not like she's being rude but it still sucks.  My grandfather finally mentioned something about where people are going to sleep once I have the baby so I'm positive he remembers. My grandma didn't even comment on it so it wasn't like hearing that was a shock which was good.  My husband suggested I just tell her again and said that it would be fun to see her reaction.  Wrong.  And way to piss off the hungry pregnant lady.  If one of his grandparents (he has 4 living grandparents still-it's amazing) was losing their memory he would be devastated.  He would never think it would be FUN to retell them your most exciting news ever.  It's hard and it gets harder every time I see her or talk to her.

The family traditions start before dinner where one of the hosts gives a little speech and announces all the other hosts' names.  Then they rehash the food plans for the weekend (which have been exactly the same for years) and ask if there are any newcomers that need to be introduced.  One of my cousins brought his girlfriend and as he's introducing her to a room full of people (so intimidating btw) my dad asks if he can announce the baby news.  It was funny to see how surprised people were (again with the "you look so good" comments) excluding my aunts, uncles, and first cousins who knew already.  My more distant cousins were like, "How did I miss this on Facebook???", because we have not posted anything, and probably won't for a while still.  I'm 3 more weeks from the point where I know I will feel safer, as most hospitals won't enter an infant in the NICU until 24 weeks.

I had a dream the other night that I was at my doctor and there was no heartbeat.  I woke up at 4:17 am and just chalked it up to my usual crazy, vivid dreams.  I didn't even tell Mr. Desperate when he woke up.  But I couldn't shake the feeling all day.  I finally texted my doctor (this is where it really pays to know your dr well) and he assured me that everything was fine but suggested I come in to hear the heartbeat to ease my mind.  I felt crazy but of course I went anyways.  Midwife Mom told me that I could come in anytime and I told her she was opening a can of worms.  So as she finds the heartbeat on the monitor I finally cry at one of my appointments.  It was such a huge relief and even though I had been there 5 days before it was such a different feeling.  So for this once in a lifetime Thanksgivukah (Thanksgiving and Chanukah) I am thankful that everything is okay with the baby.  She even had the hiccups, which of course I couldn't feel.  But it was crazy to hear!  Probably more crazy because I couldn't feel it.  Hopefully I will feel her moving soon!!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Worst Blog Ever

So it's been two months since I've posted and probably one month since I've been reading the blogs that I follow.  The sad part... I've been doing nothing.  I'm not busier at school than normal--I actually feel really organized and on top of things this year, which I rarely ever am.  Although this summer, I wasn't working and going to doctor's appointments and stalking blogs was my only real form of entertainment.

My personal life hasn't been that overwhelming, although I do have a friend getting married that has been having showers and bachelorette parties.  We've had a lot of family birthdays, too.  But really, I just come home from work and sleep.  I don't even think I did laundry for month.  Which only became a problem when my shirts started to get a little snug and my looser options were all dirty.  And then I realized I have WAY too many clothes.  Hopefully hoarding material possessions is a trait that I will not pass on to my baby GIRL!!

Even after we got the blood work back saying it's a girl, I was still so sure it was a boy.  But, I went to a specialist for a full anatomy scan (which apparently is routine for every pregnancy, but enough to freak me out when they first told me I was going to get a referral) we could clearly see that it is a girl.  Not that it matters; I just hate to be wrong!!!

So, this little lady seems to be doing great.  I am now 19 weeks and 2 days.  My pants are just starting to get tight, although my boobs have already grown a full cup size--WTF!  Mr. Desperate couldn't be happier about that.  Too bad I have zero desire for anything that he has 100% desire for... poor guy! :(  He went from being forced to have sex to not having sex at all.  I'm sure he loves me more than ever--NOT!  Other than being tired (and lazy), I don't want to eat chicken, and fish doesn't sit well, but I feel completely normal.  If it weren't for the lack of a period (although my super long cycles felt like they were this long at some points) and the numerous ultrasounds I've had, I honestly still wouldn't believe it.

Mr. Desperate wants to start talking names.  And mentioned that he really likes the name Beverly.  No offense to anyone named Beverly, but that's just not going to be this baby's name.  I'm just not ready to start talking to names, especially because I still refer to the baby as "it".  Since I haven't felt it move and I don't really look different, it just doesn't seem real.  I just read that at 24 weeks the chance of a baby's survival out of the room become a realistic statistic so I think that after that point I will maybe be able to start thinking of names.

We did however, pick out bedding.  We're going to do pink and gray and I mixed and matched fabrics from New Arrivals when I was in Atlanta for my niece's 2nd birthday this past weekend.  Just in case this is our only baby, I decided that custom bedding was one major exception that I could make.  I go to the doctor again this Wednesday and am prepared for them to say, "Do you have any questions?" before I head out.  The funny thing is, I have zero questions.  This summer every time I went to the RE I think I had a zillion questions and now, nothing.  I'm pretty sure they think I'm crazy, but after feeling like you've lived at a doctor's office where you're assaulted with an ultrasound wand all the freaking time, their appointments are just pretty boring in comparison!!