24 Weeks, 4 days

I went in for my 24 week appointment today. As usual, I got nervous when I didn't hear the heartbeat immediately (Just a doppler today no ultrasound.  Boy, does seeing a specialist certainly set you up for a pattern of disappoint when your insides aren't always on display.), but all is well.  I wonder if there will ever be a point when I start being more optimistic than pessimistic.  I feel like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop and fear that once I do get excited about everything that that's exactly when it will drop.

They measured my stomach for the first time and it was 24 cm, which the doctor said was perfectly average.  I also found out how much I've gained since immediately before getting pregnant, and that's on the high end of the average range, but still within the average.  Since I wasn't really hungry in the beginning and had to force myself to eat I guess that's helped slow my weight gain because never in my life have I had a problem gaining weight.  Thank you PCOS.  Now, desserts are too sweet for me, so unless I really force myself to eat them, I'm pretty much staying away from sweets.  Now if only I had that problem with carbs...

We scheduled our next appointment (28 weeks), a childbirth class and hospital tour offered through my doctor's office with the midwives, and our next ultrasound appointment (31 weeks) which the doctor said he'd throw in the 3d ultrasound package for free.  Mr. Desperate has been dying for the 3d ultrasound, so once again, he's getting what he wants.  He doesn't understand how I can want to wait any longer to see this baby's face.  That's when I remember that as much as this past year sucked for him, he didn't take the disappointment each month as hard as I did.  I know in the IF world, a year is not by any means a long time.  But for me, someone who for her entire life has only pictured her adult life as being a stay-at-home mom to a house full of six kids, it was excruciatingly painful.  When I think about the time frame being open-ended with no certainty whatsoever, waiting a few more months doesn't seem like such a big deal to me!